Liberteens
by Chamomile Pool
Summary: In recognition of Ron Paul's 78th birthday, here is the Libertarian Teen Titans one-shot that this site never needed. #freedom


LIBERTEENS

The alert system in Titans Tower activated. It was a call to arms—a summoning of patriots at a time of urgent need. The Titans conglomerated at the couch. These young heroes joined together to fight injustice, but they knew the whole was not greater than its parts. Each came out from their individual, self-governed rooms to fight for the common cause of liberty and pizza on a daily basis.

"It's Slade!"

Robin stood in front of the monitor and used the remote to cycle through the information at his disposal. Cyborg and Beast Boy sat on the couch, and Starfire and Raven floated nearby.

"These strings of events… it's all coming together! The executive orders, the bailouts… _this_ must also be part of his plan!" Robin waved his hand in the air, emphatically.

Cyborg kept his eyes on the screen and said, "My scanners are picking up huge infringements on civil liberties all throughout the city."

Beast Boy scratched his head. "What is Slade even doing this all for, anyway?"

"Slade is only after more power," Raven answered from behind. "That's the only thing his type want—power over the people."

The screen was showing red dots across the city map where Slade had set up numerous attacks. It appeared to be all a part of some very grand attack on civil liberties, on all fronts. Slade's men had occupied a medical facility in order to seize all of its medical marijuana at one point, and at another, he was taking young men off the street to fight in an unjust war in the Middle East.

Robin shook his head and, under his breath, muttered, "This has to stop… _Now_…"

"I'm sorry to hear you feel that way, Robin."

The group's leader narrowed his eyes at the screen. The map had been replaced by a streaming shot of their masked arch-nemesis.

"Slade… What are you up to this time? What gives you the right to restrict the free choice of all these people?"

The villain addressed Robin's question by answering, "These people are well-intentioned, but not always _capable_ of making the right choice. I'm merely… _suggesting_ the correct path and punishing them if they fail… It's really quite simple, Robin. I thought if anyone would understand, it would be you. We're so very much alike."

"I'm nothing like you!" Robin interrupted. "What you did to Edward Snowden—I'll never forgive you for that!"

"Ahhh, yes," Slade recalled, savoring the memory. "It's most unfortunate what happened to Mr. Snowden… He could have been such a fine apprentice. But trust takes time and effort, and he proved himself to be deserving of his punishment. His job was to keep secrets from the people, not secrets from _me_."

Starfire floated closer to the screen. "On _my_ planet, the state protects people's freedoms… but what you're doing is _wrong_!"

"That's a matter of opinion," Slade returned. "And, thankfully, only _my_ opinion matters. As for you, Titans… I'm sure you'll be delighted to know of my new alliance with Brother Blood's Federal Reserve. Even as we speak, they are at work on bringing balance to the market."

"But if the Federal Reserve steps in, it'll only lead to inflation and economic bubbles, the likes of which we've never seen!" Cyborg exclaimed, "We have to end the Fed before they regulate the entire monetary system…"

"Time is ticking, Titans," Slade warned. "You may already be too late…"

Raven spoke up, "You're forgetting one thing, Slade."

There was silence for a moment.

"TINSTAFL."

Slade narrowed his eye slightly. "What was that?"

Beast Boy turned to look at her. "Uhhh…What's TINSTAFL?"

"There Is No Such Thing As Free Lunch," Raven explained. "Anything you do has a cost. Your actions have a cost, Slade. You can't expect to keep policing people's lives and not have a revolt on your hands. Nothing is more powerful than an idea whose time has come."

Robin nodded and added, "Raven's right. You can't sacrifice liberty for security. Do that, and you will get neither and deserve neither."

Slade thought for a moment and then concluded, "We'll just see which one of us is right in the end, Titans. Bye for now."

Slade's face disappeared from the screen, and the map returned. Robin turned to address the others. "We don't have much time," he said, "But we need to form some sort of plan if we're going to stop Slade."

"I'll check the Daily Paul to see if we can get any leads on what he and Brother Blood are up to," Cyborg offered.

"And I will picket the signs," Starfire suggested, "and unite the people of the city!"

"I'll work on printing T-shirts with cool slogans," Beast Boy said, on his turn, "Things like… 'Don't dread on me'!"

Raven looked over at him. "Don't you mean 'Don't _tread_ on me'? Aaaand… I will just go with Beast Boy and prevent him from doing anything _too_ stupid."

"And I'll go straight for Slade," Robin concluded. "If we diversify our efforts and get the youth behind us, we _can_ and _will_ stop him from ruining this city. We need him out of our daily lives… He may think that the people should fear him, but in reality, _he_ should fear the _people_."

They all paused to read a part from their pocket Constitution and then, by Robin's command, were dismissed.

"Liberteen Titans… GO!"


End file.
